chillin

hey its 11.01 pm here.

i just finished ICT assignment . lol later then, english. After that will be ethnic and then ugh i loveeeeee assignment. 

wut? fun okai. lol

so i guess maybie this time im counting the time and days for a yeah *shrugging 

got any plan on what to do eh after that. but i seriously cant wait to watchhhhhhhh seriously after watch the trailer kan pergh 

amazed.

jap sekarang ni i is tak sabar nak midsem break yaknow

lol. actually whats on my mind kan.

one of my bestfriend from diploma year, dia orang brunei. she ni baik gila bagus gila tak sombong humble . tapi orang yang tak kenal dia or first time nampak dia will say something like "eee kerek gila dia ni sombong nya" but no bro sis shes not. 

pastu lagi satu dia ni memorize quran. like water flowing. pastu brunei ni specialize for rakyat diorang yang hafiz quran so she one of em. every month she will balik to brunei to involve lah dalam competition , what so special is their king will give money to em so every month she got around 3k bnd i guess. ya know f***** damn rich kalau convert to myr then! lol

she ni bukan kawan kawan i yang jenis orang agama je tak bercampur dengan orang or close mind or pakaian close ke apa but she ni jenis cam kita kita yang gamble yang orang tak dapat agak and tahu pun shes hafizah yaknow.

and then she ni photogenic , selalu sangat belanja orang. kalau apa apa kan dia yang hulur duit pastu bila orang nak bayar balik she tak mintak pun or like she tak ada pun suruh bayar hutang ke apa she is so nice. i mean contoh kalau kita kita, even rm 50 pun mintak balik kan but shes nah, she didnt mind at all . the fact that shes one year younger than us and so mature thats the point.

and then she met someone , senior kat diploma tempat i belajar, kos sama macam dia. if im not mistaken, they hving a relay since shes sem satu. i often saw them met or date lah outside campus. selalu lah jumpa and lepak together. lelaki malaysia lah. and then, sampai last sem. so sweet meh. tak silap i diorang siap travel sekali kot pergi UK. 

tapi, haih. 

sayangnya. jodoh diorang tak panjang. 

idk what happen but diorang nak ke arah yang serius that is marriage babe. 

actually lelaki tu ada a bit probs lah dengan ayah dia, macam hubungan anak and ayah tu bermasalah , so my friend worried, asking him kalau tak selesai masalah ni, macam mana nak kahwin. 

so idk. they just proceed their relay, i think macam relay tu tak serius, even kawan i ni nampak la dia sangat serius, sebab normal lah brunei girl kahwin awal. so she think mybie habis diploma she nak kahwin. thats it, but that guy idk what tapi he pun serious je tapi idk idk idk.

after that. habis diploma. turn out, she got married with another guy. that is more mature than the guy before, i am so damn wondering bout 

how she handle this situation . u know, all the memories yang diorang dah build together dulu , hilang macamtu je. yang diingatkan dia jodoh, tapi sebenarnya bukan. 

bukan dia jodoh kita. idk how dia handle her heart broken situation weh, i sebenarnya tengok gambar wedding dia kan, u look so happy with that gummy smile lookin at ur husband.

i feel so calm. idk how she handle this. she really is a strong woman . 

seriouslah i rasa sebak sebab i ada dengan dia masa diorang both in sweet relay, date and all. but then turn out they not mean to be together. kau rasa? 

aku nak je pergi brunei, dah lama sangat nak jumpa dia. sedih weh. entahlah. kalau i kat tempat dia i gila taktahu duh nak hadap macam mana paham tak. heartbroken gila 

yelah bila kita ingat dia tu jodoh kita, tapi sebenarnya dia bukannnnnn , yang selama ni kita jumpa, kita build memories together, tapi sebenarnya dia jodoh orang lain. 

sedih / this is y im so scared to build a relationship. tak sanggup nak hadap hari hari yang orang kita sayang tu bukan kita punya. sedih. sometimes i susah nak having a relay sebab i have a trust issue, i susah nak percaya. 

kawan i kalau nak story pasal relay diorang dekat i , i mesti akan bg nasihat yang something macam bash lelaki tu, i will always cakap, takpayah tinggal je dia bukan untuk kau bla bla that make lelaki tu salah sebenarnya and all. and see turn out its true. i know that already. this is why i hate man. no, i mean idk how to handle a man. i, haih

im just scared

sleepy

okay im so sleepy . its 11.30 pm

fuh watta a day todai . weekend tak rasa macam weekend , normal lah for new student kan, senior sibuk buat programs awal awal ni. harini ahad and pagi tadi pukul 8 en we went swimming .

me from takut donno bout swimming and tak relax to now i know atleast a bit meh .

mainpoint is RELAX & LEARN TAHAN NAFAS LAMA .

ehem yeah. bila hang panic hang akan tenggelam. kira kalau nak swim pun i make sure kolam tu sampai lah kaki kan, tak sampai mampuih. kena belajo pulak cara nak seimbangkan badan bila berdiri dalam air yang kaki tak sampai. ha paham tak lol

adik adik ni yang ajar i swim, dalam 3 jam macamtu i boleh lah sikit sikit. thing is i tak boleh lagi nak tahan nafas lama , and kena relax . and tak tenggelam lepas dah swim tu .
and kaki kena laju and tangan tu kena bukak untuk tolak air tu lagi .

and sampai sekarang lah tangan ni sakittt sia mashaallah nak angkat tiak pun i kennot.
so sad.


esok kelas start 2pm lucky me. hehe

how kan dekat certain place, situation, people yang,  ada u boleh keluarkan perangai u and ada yang u takboleh nak keluarkan. like u simpan n bila u simpan tu yang u sakit gak ah sebab u rasa terkongkong n rasa bukan diri u n takdapat nak keluarkan paham tak?

(6.45pm tuesday 2oct)

sebab bila u keluarkan u cam takut side effect dia . takut orang pijak, tak hormat u or think like u immature or something yang  rasa negative lah. tu lah masalahnya, u tend to think d negative side yang give u bad effect fam tak yeah its your mind problem actually, yourself that surrounding wif negativitiy

BUT u rasa tak freedom ish tak besnya tak dapat nak have fun, be funny silly crazy and just be you. instead you need to cover em all ugh hate it.

no u cam nak keluarkan urself punya silly perangai tu tau tapi u cant faham tak. and u cam boleh keluarkan bila u dengan orang tertentu je, like some of your friends,

kadang kan i sampai terfikir nak pergi kerja sekejap dekat fos dulu tu sebab i nak myself balik n i nak keluarkan fam tak. lol

i cam dah tak kenal i siapa sebenarnya. im not a serious person okay. i mean like i ni bukan jenis serious faham tak i ni annoying type and awkward type but silly and crazy but so cliche and sometimes clingy friends. oh hate that clingy thing but yeah

clingy is like mengada right okay

sometimes kan i hate myself. myself yang bila small matter pun i rasa cam nak marah tapi lepastu i okay and lepastu lagi i akan jadi terfikir balik so i automatik jadi nak marah balik and dah lamaaa camtu sikit je i akan sejuk balik. oh rumitnya perempuan, nah it just me maybe.

maybie the fact that i ni low self confidence maybie yea.
pastu bila i marah lepastu mesti rasa nak menangis ish benci gilaaa jadi perempuann kau paham takkkkkkkk
kbai.

eh kejaplah taknak bai lagi ha lepastu kan i nak lepaskan stress i ni boleh tak

i nak nangisssss umiiiiiiiiiii

ok i is 22 ok i need to behave like twenty f two . grow up dude! tsk tsk